Football Jokes

Hundreds of the most hilarious football jokes around. Perfect for football fans to enjoy in between those all-important World Cup games, Premier League matches and European Cup finals.

When is a footballer like a baby?

When he dribbles.

Who's in goal when the ghost team plays football?

The ghoulie, of course

Why is a football crowd learning to sing like a person opening a tin of sardines?

They both have trouble with the key.

What goes stomp, stomp, stomp, squelch?

An elephant with wet football boots.

How does an octopus go on to a football pitch?

Well-armed!

How can a footballer stop his nose running?

Put out a foot and trip it up.

What's the best day for a footballer to eat bacon and eggs for breakfast?

Fry-day.